Long couple of days

Though surgery was scheduled for 10:30a, I didn’t actually go into the OR until almost 6:00p. Spent much of the time doing relaxation exercises, trying not to think of the reality of what was about to happen. Also spent time trying not to think about how hungry I was getting, since I hadn’t eaten after 10:30 the night before.

But at last they came with sedatives, and about thirty seconds later I was waking up in the recovery room. I had been told that it would only take a few hours to recover before going home, but because I seem to be sensitive to anesthesia, I wasn’t able to leave the hospital until 9:00 the next morning. One of the requirements was to walk from my room to each end of the hallway, but between muzzy-headedness and a lack of coordination, that didn’t happen until about ten hours later.

The time since then has been a little rough. I’ve avoided pain meds and muscle relaxants, but my mood is very low. Used the word “demoralized” this morning. It’s difficult not to be able to eat much — my esophagus is sore and behaving strangely — and I don’t feel very sharp mentally. Add to that the assorted aches and pains which are probably from my body readjusting to the new arrangement of neckbones, and an odd patch of numbness under my chin. And the incision looks just like what it is, which is disconcerting to see on my neck. I had a towel hanging over the mirror until this afternoon, because it would have been too much, on top of all the other stuff I’ve been dealing with, to see the incision and the Dermabond holding it together.

Enforced laziness isn’t fun for very long.

Some talk about when I’ll be able to play the violin again, but today it seems like it won’t happen for a long, long time. I realize, though, that this is only my mood talking.

More later.